Managing Conflict With Co-Workers—As Well As Your Boss

Dealing effectively with internal customers--your co-workers and others inside your organization, including your boss--is just as important as dealing with external customers. Conflict at the office does occur, and learning how to cope with it is essential to maximizing your professional potential and career success.

But what about managing conflicts that develop with your boss? Can you disagree with a higher-ranking colleague or a professional superior and still keep your job? The answer is yes. Being able to assert yourself in a respectful and direct way may not only strengthen your relationship with your superior, but may also help you increase your productivity and job satisfaction.

Here are some fundamental strategies to keep in mind the next time you have to deal with a difficult personality at work, or if you simply disagree with a colleague about a work issue or process.


First of all, try and anticipate when conflict is likely to emerge inside your working environment. When workplace change occurs, such as restructuring, changes in job responsibilities, layoffs, or shifts in management, there is bound to be some increase in conflict. Be proactive. Anticipate problems and don't wait until they begin to start addressing them.
Work on your communications skills and learn to help others to communicate more effectively in their interactions with you. Managing conflict successfully only happens with effective communication.
Be open to feedback from others. If you experience feedback as threatening, try hard to put aside defensiveness and rigidity so you can really "hear" what others have to say.
Keep dialogue going. When co-workers, team members, and supervisors maintain open lines of communication, potential conflicts are more likely to be avoided and will be far less difficult to manage.
Don't assume that the conflict will "just go away." Unmanaged conflict doesn't disappear; it just goes underground where it can become even more insidious. You may see a problem as "water under the bridge." Unfortunately, the person or parties who feel that the conflict is unresolved are probably still holding on to their original feelings. If so, the conflict can re-emerge anytime, and often when you can least afford it.
Focus on a trying to find a "win-win" solution. Your goal should be to reach an agreement in which both parties or groups experience satisfaction. It's possible, if you're careful and creative.
Practice and learn these skills. Like any other professional capability, effective conflict management improves with experience. After each experience, analyze what went right and what went wrong. Think about what you might do differently the next time around.
Know when to ask for help. There may be conflict situations that can't be resolved without outside assistance, and some that really should be referred to a third party, e.g., supervisor, human resources, or your Employee Assistance Program. Someone who is trained to mediate conflict can help you move forward and identify a resolution that is acceptable to everyone.
When You Experience Conflict with Your Boss

The above strategies will also be helpful in dealing with your boss. But, here are some additional, specific strategies for when you disagree with a more powerful colleague.


Try to approach the situation by assuming that your boss' intentions are positive and meant to further the goals of the organization and meet the needs of employees. Don't automatically take the position that your boss is unfair, "out to get you," or otherwise ill-intentioned. Immediately conveying your anger is likely to get you off to a poor start.
Be clear and specific when you state your concerns. For example, if you feel your boss is not available when you need assistance and guidance, communicate this plainly. Make statements in the first person. Take ownership of the problem, rather than blaming your boss. This will make it more likely that your boss will hear what you have to say.
Make it clear that a positive response to your request will benefit your boss and the organization. You might say, for example: "I feel that if I can get your input, then I'll be able to write a really outstanding report."
Offer to problem-solve with your boss. Indicate what you'd like to have happen, and your desire to be a part of the solution to the problem. You might suggest to your boss that you work out a schedule of regular feedback so you can be sure you're on the right track.
Before you end the conversation, try to get some closure. Make a future appointment or clarify exactly when your boss will be available to schedule an appointment. Don't forget to thank your boss for listening and responding to your request.
Effective and successful mangers need good conflict management skills. A dealing with difficult situations inside the office is a key to professional growth and career advancement. These abilities aren't easy to learn, but they're worth it. The good news is that anyone can learn them and will get better with experience and practice.

If you want additional advice about how you can increase your conflict management skills, or have a question about how to handle a specific conflict with a co-worker or your boss, contact your Employee Assistance Program.

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